Episode 86. How to Lead with Empathy
Staff Researcher: Evelyn Gilliard
The incomparable Oprah once said, “Leadership is about empathy. It is about having the ability to relate to and connect with people for the purpose of inspiring and empowering their lives.”
A more practical definition describes empathetic leadership as: The ability to lead with an understanding of others’ thoughts, feelings, and rationale through inclusion.
But is that just feel-good fluff, or does it hold weight?
When you look at all you have to do and the many hats you have to wear as an entrepreneur, spending time developing empathy seems like a luxury that you simply don’t have the capacity for.
But, did you know that empathetic leadership has been linked to improvements in employee engagement, retention, innovation, and inclusivity?
The research doesn't lie! Let me assure you... neglecting empathetic leadership in your company is a vital mistake. It is the cornerstone of your success as a leader.
Today we’re going to give you a practical guide to empathy by digging into the 4 levels of empathy. As you read through, use each level as a gauge to measure yourself!
PITY - I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU.
Pity is almost always seen as a bad thing to do to someone else. It means “I feel sorry for you,” and that is the extent. That is why you will often hear people say, “Don't pity me,” because they don't want to be looked down on. You are pretty much saying, “Wow, that sucks for you,” with a nonchalant attitude because their issues do not affect you directly. No leader wants to be seen as looking down on their team members with a nonchalant attitude.
2. SYMPATHY - I FEEL FOR YOU.
Sympathy may feel like the best choice to give, and you want to be sympathetic to your team members and their issues. It means “I feel for you” and your situation, but once again, it is a step up from pity you are an outsider looking in. You are removed from the situation but can understand that it would be terrible to have happened. However, you can not stop at being sympathetic if you want to be an empathetic leader and have it be the cornerstone of success. Any business leader can share condolences, we want to take it even a step further.
3. EMPATHY - I FEEL WITH YOU.
Here we are! Empathy! Empathy means “I feel WITH you.” Perhaps you have gone through a similar situation and know how it feels and can offer guidance, advice, or support on this issue. This is where you want to be at the bare minimum of being a leader. Even if you have not gone through the same thing, you should be placing yourself in their shoes. However, it is difficult to do because not only are there a lot of obstacles in your way; you have to be genuine. You cannot be disingenuous with your feelings towards your team. The people you have hired are smart, that's why you hired them in the first place, and they will see right through the smoke and mirrors.
4. COMPASSION - I AM MOVED BY YOU.
Compassion is the last and final step on the spectrum. It means “I am moved by you.” Here not only are you feeling with your team and displaying empathy, but you are taking it one step further. Their situation moves you to action to alleviate their distress. If you are a leader at stage 4, you aren’t just talking about it… you’re doing something about it. There is no higher level because you’re not just talkin’ the talk’ but walkin’ the walk for your team. Go you!
Stage 4 is a great place to be for any leader and their team. However, stage 4 takes a lot of effort, time, and commitment, and quite frankly, not everybody can be a stage 4 business leader. Perhaps you can’t help them with their situation, or you don’t have the time or means to. That’s completely OK! You just need to be at stage 3 at a minimum as a leader. You cannot stop at stage 1 or 2 because you need to feel with them to lead them.
WRAPPING UP
Check-in and consider how you've exhibited empathy with your team in the past. Remember, in most situations, it's ideal to strive for Level 3 or 4.
Conduct a self-audit and evaluate which level of the empathetic spectrum your land in most consistently. The hardest part is self-reflection, so set some time aside to think it through and start implementing these best practices in your own practice today!
